Im at strip club and am horny
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
