Your dad touched me again.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
