3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
