You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
