Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
