Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
