Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
a search helicopter?!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well I just put wine in my tea
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
