I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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