Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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