it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
