so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
