You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize