Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
