The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
