My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just had sex on a roof
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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