You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
