Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
