Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
