I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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