"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
