I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
