I feel like abortions should bother me more
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Less talking, more tequila
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
