Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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