The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All I want is dick and wine.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
