what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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