He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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