bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
