i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
