I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
