Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
