Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize