Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
