Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize