He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
