You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
honey bunches of taint.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
