dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
