i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
