Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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