it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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