No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
