i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
