It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I believe in your delicious
Randomize