The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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