the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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