dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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