I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How does one acquire holy water?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
