You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
