Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
