So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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