you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
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