I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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