I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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