Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
