I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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