The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
