I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
