My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize