No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wish they made helmets for livers.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
