I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
