I think I won the penis lottery.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
