On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
