Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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