some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
