you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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