Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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