she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
that's an acceptable place to lick
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
