i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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