my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
