i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
