I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
