she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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