Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
