3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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