Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
