lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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