Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
