the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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