a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
