It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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