Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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