he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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