Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
