New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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