Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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