There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
