Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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