ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
